Becoming a Mom for the 4th Time

I am now a Mom of 4. I honestly didn’t think I would ever say (or type) those words, but, this is my new reality.

I should start at the beginning.

California AdventuresIt was August 2015 when my life (okay our family’s life) changed forever. In July, we took our first family vacation to California and was there for 2 weeks. It was a lot of fun for all of us and we spent time with family. When we got back, things seemed a little different. I felt different.

August 14th came and no cycle. I grew concerned. The next day, nothing. Three days later – nothing. Then, I was a week late.

I was not happy.

On August 21st, I sat down with hubby and said, “I’m late. I’m not happy. Get a pregnancy test, even though I already know the outcome.”

On Sunday, August 23rd, I pee’d on a stick.20150823_155852

There were 2 lines. The second line was faint, but it was a line, nonetheless.

I was PISSED!!!

Hubby, my oldest and I saw the stick. Hubby was in denial; my oldest was excited. We called the 2 youngest boys in to look at the stick. “Boys, what do you see?” “2 pink lines!!!”

I was PISSED!!!

Here’s why…

I turned 40 in February; all 3 boys were in school; I was FINALLY at a stage in my life where I could start focusing on me, start having some one on one time with hubby, expanding my business and just breathing again.

I got PISSED again!!!

I had plans. I was done at three. All my life, I said I was going to have 3 kids. Granted, I said they would be two boys and a girl, but it didn’t happen that way, and I was fine. We were fine. When my youngest started Kindergarten in 2014, we cleaned house of everything baby – no crib, change table, baby clothes, etc. We thought we were done – at least I thought I was. We had a rhythm going. Things were good. Heck, I started running earlier in the year, ran a 10K in June and was planning to run a half-marathon in October.

So much for that happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bitter person and I love being a Mom. I simply thought we were good as we were. It was 6 years since we had a baby in the house. We were starting all over again.

Was I ready to do this again?  Was I up for the task? Would I have the stamina and patience for another baby at my age? Would there be any risks?

Then, the big one hit – when this baby turns 18, I would be 59!!!!

I got PISSED again!!!

All these emotions and questions happened in a matter of 5 minutes, if you can believe that!!! I did decide that I was going to keep this very quiet, only immediate family was going to know initially. I was mainly concerned because of my age and the increased risks, so, if we got through the first trimester without any problems, then, we could tell the world. I said this to the kids as well. With school starting back a week later, I asked them to keep this information to themselves and wait until I hit the 12-week mark.

We also didn’t have a family doctor, and for about 3 weeks, I was on the phone practically every day with the Family Registry, leaving messages to inquire about a Family Doctor. If I’m gonna bring a new life in this world, I darn well better have a physician. The nagging must have worked because I was paired up with a great OB/GYN who helped put my mind at ease during my new journey.

All I kept thinking in my head was, “Here we go again!!!”

The journey continues…

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