Why God Made Moms – 100 Day Blog Challenge – Day 68

Why God Made Moms

The boys were being a little rebellious tonight about going to bed (at least 2 out of 3) and it’s especially challenging because I’ve got an early start in the morning.  Anyhow, I got to thinking and remembered an email I received a while back that was pretty darn funny and could not stop laughing. I re-read it again and, yep, it’s still hilarious.  

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the  following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.  They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.  We’re related.
2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.  I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.  They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1.  His last name.
2.  She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3.  Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.  My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1.  Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2.  Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s  the difference between moms and dads?
1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1.  Mothers don’t do spare time.
2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.  On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.  Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it  be?
1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2.  I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
WHEN  YOU STOP LAUGHING — SEND IT ON TO OTHER  MOTHERS,  GRANDMOTHERS, AND AUNTS….and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!!!!
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Top 10 Momisms – 100 Day Blog Challenge – Day 63

Momisms (A Little Sunday Humor)

The other day, I came across this image, and I couldn’t help but laugh.  OK, right before I saw this image, I’m pretty sure I said most, if not ALL of these to my boys that day.  So, I wanted to talk about some of these Momisms that all Moms have said or will say at some point in their parenting career.

As a Mom, we want to be the best Mom to our kids and instill values, morals and raise them to be their best.  Then, they start talking, and it all goes to hell in an instant.

Here’s my take on these Momisms based on my experience with my 3 boys:

1.  “Why?  Because I said so, that’s why!” – Face it, this response is practically programmed in our brains the second we find out we’re pregnant.  If I had a PENNY for each time I uttered these words, I’d be a billionaire right now.  “But, WHHHHHYYYYYYYY, MOM?”  Seriously, don’t question me.  I told you to do something…DO IT!!!  End of discussion!!  Next.

2.  “I’m going to give you until the count of three!” – Let’s be honest, let’s be real.  When it comes to this saying, we don’t go to three.  It’s one; two; two and half; two and three quarters; two and…don’t make me say it…two and…I’m serious…don’t make me say…In the back ouf our minds, we are HOPING they get the hint that getting to three is doomsday.  But, they know we’re NOT going to three and even if we do, it’ll go something like, “OK, three…now…” We love using this just to feel like we’re in control.

3.  “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” – My version is, “Now, didn’t I tell you NOT to do that?  Didn’t I tell you someone was gonna get hurt?  Didn’t I?  Didn’t I?”  Insert smoke coming out of ears for an even more dramatic effect.

4.  “I don’t know is NOT an answer.” –  And it NEVER will be!!!  Yes, you DO know, so spill it!!!

5.  “I would never have talked to my mother like that.” – Or my grandmother, for that matter.  Sometimes they push the envelope and make a snide remark or two that causes me to give that double take eye-popping stare, “Oh no you didn’t” – look.  But, yes, I have said this to them a time or two, followed by smack to remind them who’s in charge.  Excuse me?!?!?!

6.  “I’m not running a taxi service.” – Or the maid, either.  Now that the boys are getting older and involved in more sports, I have become that Sports Mom.  They’re still fairly young and heaven help me once they reach the teen years.  I’m pretty sure I’ll have a full head of white hair by the time Isaac’s a teen.

7.  “If everyone jumped off a cliff would you do it too?” – I’m already starting to hear, “But so and so is going HERE!!!” or “But, so and so is doing THAT!!!”  My favorite is, “But, WHY can’t I do this?  So and so’s parents let THEM!!!”  My response, “So and so is not MY resposibility…YOU are!!!”  “And as long as you live under MY roof, you live by MY rules!!!” – oh, this is another one to add to the Momsims list!!!

8.  “Someday your face will freeze like that.” – No, it won’t.  There’s never been any scientific proof that turning your lips into a crazy get-up pose or crossing your eyes will all of a sudden go, “POP,” and freeze.  Although, that would be comical if it ever did happen to a kid.  I’d pay good money to see that.

9.  “It hurts me more than it hurts you.” – No it’s not!!!  Not in the slightest.  Maybe AFTER the fact, but at the time, oh no, it’s not hurting me.  It’s not even in the same time zone, because I told you already NOT to do that, or NOT to speak to me that way, and didn’t I tell you NOT to let me get to three?  They had more than enough warning.

10.  “Bob. Sue. Joe. Fido. whatever your name is.” – I remember when I first moved to PEI and my mother-in-law would get my hubby and brother in law mixed up a lot.  I’d say to her, “My goodness, they’re so many years apart.  How could you get their names wrong?”  She told me one day that when I had kids, I’d do the same.  Fast forward to my life now, and she is sooooo right.  Boy, did those words come back to bite me in the butt!!!  There have been times I’ve called all 3 names (“Stephen Eli, Jus, Isa..”) and then topped it off with, “Just all of you get over here!!!”  After a while, they all seem to blend in because they’re all doing something they shouldn’t be doing anyway.  So, at some point, they’re ALL gonna get in trouble.

Oh, the life of a Mom.  It’s always an adventure.